Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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