I accidentally burped into my bong.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You've changed since you got that strap on
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