Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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