If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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