That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
