Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
