It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
