I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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