I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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