In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need a burrito and a hug.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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