Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Couch. On fire.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
