The best revenge is premature balding
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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