I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
