i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
