I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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