i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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