pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
