Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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