Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
