haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My vagina is very pro this idea
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
