You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
