Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
