I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
