Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
