wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
