Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
