see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
