How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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