I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
