she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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