i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
