i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
