i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
