He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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