You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
