shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
