when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
