dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
