I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
