Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
