I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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