grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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