how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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