hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
