I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
