I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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