When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
