My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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