Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
