There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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