You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
