if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm at about main and main street
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
