I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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