I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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