you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
