turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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