UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
